My Kingdom

When I stand outside of myself and look in, I like much of what I see.  I see a good person, with a kind and considerate heart.  I see someone who loves and cares greatly for the people and the world around him.  But when I go within myself to have a look, I tend to adopt the view of the outside world rather than that of my own.  My own view becomes quite distorted and what I instead see is someone who is never good enough. 

When I consider how the three aspects of myself (Father, Mother, Child) fit into this, I see a familiar picture.  The Child appears to be lying on the floor kicking and screaming for intimacy.  The Father stands outside looking in.  The Mother stands inside looking out. 

The solution becomes clear.  As I take a step towards it, I know the path will also. 

I have spent too much of my life living within a whirlpool and looking for a way out.  Often I would see hope showing me a way out but then powerful forces would drag me back in.  Now, for the first time in my life, I can feel hope without seeing it.  The reason I can’t see it is because I am still looking out.  The reason I can feel it is because I am accepting this place within.  Over time, I know I will be able to both see and feel it together.  Then I will find the space and freedom I have been craving my whole life.  My path is here.

Everyone has their own ideas on love which derive from a variety of sources.  Most people are taught about love at a very early age.  As babies, most are introduced to love from their parents and family.  Then as we mature, we are provided with many different lessons about love.  Some lessons are easy and some are hard.  For the most part, it is the media, parents, teachers and friends who help us determine what love really is.  For my own experience and like many I imagine, between my parents and the TV, I received a lot of mixed messages about love.  I received love from my parents as a child but for me at least, it seemed to be a conditional love.  Having relied mostly on the media for my lessons, I was brought up to believe in the ‘magic of love’.  Most of my ideas of love came from fairy tales, romance movies, etc.  For me, love has always been a feeling that couldn’t really be explained by anyone but I was told when love hit me, I would know it.  My parents taught me that love was not essential in marriage but it was TV which had a bigger influence on me.  It was TV which taught me that love was the loveliest and most exciting feeling of all time and to always strive for it.

 I came across something recently which has pushed my thinking in a very different direction.  I was told that ‘love is a choice’.  Apparently, we choose who, what, when and where we love.  This new information now teaches me to believe that we actually have control over love.  This was very much a ‘Wow’ moment in my life as it goes against much of my own ingrained thinking.  I never grew up in a fairy tale life and there was enough information around me to convince me to believe in the magic of love.  Now I have forced to the ask question, “Is love an uncontrollable feeling we fall into or is it a choice we make?”  The more time I am given to think about this, the more I steer towards love being a choice.  But then the question arises, “how is it possible that we make this often unconscious choice to love someone?”

 I believe that what we see in this world is mostly a reflection of ourselves.  And what we tend to fall in love with is often just that, a reflection of ourselves.  When we meet someone that is very similar to how we see ourselves or maybe even resembles who we want to be, we are likely to feel a stronger than usual connection.  It is easy to fall in love with someone who helps us see the best version of ourselves.  I would go as far as saying that we often love the another person because we believe they are the best version of ourselves.  Love and intimacy can be defined as helping each other create the best versions of each person within that relationship.  Unfortunately though, if this is not the common purpose within the relationship, each person is likely to challenge each other for the same energy.  This often ends up with the love moving in an entirely different direction than what was initially planned.

 Growing up, I never understood how a person can experience the ‘magic’ of falling in love and then all of a sudden, have this magic swept from under their feet.  In other words, if love really was a feeling that you could not control, then how could you love someone so much one moment, and then in the next moment, stop loving them.  To me, the explanation may be that there was never any real love in the relationship to begin with.  A hard judgement, I know.  But when I came across this ‘loving is a choice theory, it made more sense how falling in love with ourselves could better explain why or how people can also fall out of love.  For example, when the person you love no longer reflects who you are or who you want to be, it becomes much easier to fall out of love.  When we no longer see ourselves in the other person, we choose not to love them and move on to someone else that closer resembles who we now are.  This parting of ways works out to be quite simple when the feelings are mutual between both parties.  But parting becomes difficult for one or the other when the feelings are not mutual and you end up taking something away from the other who is not ready to let go or accept what you see.

 There is also another problem in that eventually, we may start to realise that seeing ourselves only in others and/or loving them more or instead of our own selves simply doesn’t satisfy our basic needs.  If we cannot learn to love ourselves beforehand, we may never learn to truly love others.  The ultimate measure of our ability to love others can be determined by how much we actually love and accept ourselves.  We move into happiness once we have developed our ability to love and accept who, what and where we are.

 I welcome your own thoughts and ideas on Love……

Hattah-Kulkyne National Park

My trusted companion was my X-Trail which during the trip, was christened, ‘The White Pearl’.  Now let me explain….I have a fascination with Pirates and as most people would know, the Black Pearl was the popular ship from  the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.  Well on land at least, my car is my ship.  The colour just happens to be a white pearl and at the time, I had the open sea to explore (ok, open road but there were many lakes around at the time).  Anyway, hence the name, ‘White Pearl’.  Not that complicated really but sometimes, life needs to be kept that simple.

Interestingly, I had travelled around a few garage sales the morning before my trip and I came across a good deal on a king sized fold up stretcher bed.  I was all excited at the thought of having something so comfortable to sleep on during my trip until I realised my tent would be far too small for it anyway.  So I kept moving, eventually arriving at another garage sale and to my surprise, I came across a large instant pop up tent in pristine condition.  I bought it in a flash.  All excited at this point because I knew I now had a tent that would save me a lot of set up time and also because the great comfy bed I had just seen some time earlier would fit in the new tent.  So I went back to the first garage sale and as fate would have it, the stretcher bed was still available.  After a little chatting, I bought the bed and was on my way.  When I got back to the car, I had to stop for a moment as I had a realisation.  This trip was already coming together on its own. It felt good knowing that because I wasn’t wasting my energy worrying about the plans, I was giving the plans an opportunity to work themselves out.  I had no doubt this was going to be a good trip for me.

I wanted the opportunity to enjoy breakfast with my partner and kids before I headed off in the morning so the White Pearl was packed from the night before.  Then after breakfast and a quick shower, I looked around for my family to say goodbye.  My eldest daughter decided she didn’t want to be interrupted from her precious internet time and the younger daughter got shy towards me all of a sudden so it appeared the only goodbye I was going to get was from my partner.  A kiss and a cuddle later and I was on my way.

My trip began from my home in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, Australia.  The plan was to at least try and make it to Mildura by the end of the day.  No idea why but Mildura was just a town that stood out when I was looking over the map.  I had chosen not to take the direct route to Mildura but rather go out of the way via Echuca, which happens to be one of my favourite towns within my home state of Victoria.  About two hours or so into the trip, I was reminded somehow of my daily ritual of declaring my gratitude for something.  I decided that given the luxury of my current situation, I owed a little extra so I should choose to be grateful for the greatest thing which ever happened to me.  I thought about it for a short while and surprising to me, it came to me that the best thing that has even happened to me was my partner, Danielle.  I love my relationship with Danielle dearly.  We have had our fair share of relationship difficulties over the years as most couple do.  I accept this as part of growing old together.  We met a little over 15 years ago whilst working together at the same company.  We connected fairly quickly and we both knew we were meant to be together somehow.  I knew in my heart that we both held spiritual strength and together, we could combine our knowledge and power for the greater good.  Like in many relationships, I believe one problem for us over the years has been our ability to work together or share the powers given to us.  The problem, put simply, is that we both seem to challenge each other for the same energy.  This surprising act of gratitude was in my mind, my first act of acceptance and forgiveness towards Danielle.  I appeared to have finally started to appreciate that Danielle has loved, supported and stood by me through a long and difficult time in my life.

I arrived just outside of Echuca and for some reason, I felt this was not the right time to visit this place, so I kept driving.  Down the road, I decided to side track and take another non-direct route towards Mildura.  I headed towards a place called Sea Lake and for some reason, I was expecting to find a huge inland salt water lake.  It was interesting to see many lakes which from a distance, appeared quite large and full.  But as I got close, I realised these lakes were not salt water lakes but rather, just dried up salt lakes.  I started to think of the many situations I have approached in my life with worry and then on arrival, realised things were not quite as they seemed.  More often than not, I realised that I had too often worried unnecessarily.

Not long after passing Ouyen, I noticed a sign on the side of the road which stood out.  The sign was pointing to an alternate route through the Hattah-Kulkyne National Park.  With thoughts of adventure, I decided to take the turn.  After around 15 or so kilometres, the road went from bitumen to gravel.  At this point, I started to get nervous as I realised this was not the sort of road a lot of cars travelled on.  Feeling this was a good opportunity for me to develop trust in the universe, I continued on the road rather than turn back for the ‘safe’ route.  The road did get a little windy and rough in certain areas and it continued like this for around 30+ kilometres before I came across a spectacular sight.  Three emus decided to cross my path and stop on the other side of the road to look at me.  It seems they were just as fascinated in me as I was in them.  I am sure they were talking to me but I just did not have the clarity to hear them.  Being very grateful for this and any opportunity to see wild animals in their natural habitat, I continued on in a better state of mind.  My mind opened as I started to keep an eye out for more life.  I then came across a stumpy tailed lizard and a great variety of birds including a bird of prey which was circling overhead.  I realised that up until this point, I was being too concerned with what could go wrong rather than appreciate what was going right.  It took three emus to wake me up and help me realise that life around me was quite beautiful and I should accept and trust the path which is being laid out for me.  For the rest of this trip, I continued to see more wildlife including a variety of birds, insects, reptiles, kangaroos and many more emus.

I arrived in Mildura a little later than I hoped but I knew at this point that everything would work out fine.  I stopped to have a nice meal at one of the local eateries before I headed out to find a place to hitch my tent.  I arrived at a really nice camping park where I was greeted by a very warm lady.  After finding my camping spot, I proceeded to set up my home for the night.  Just as I hoped, the tent went up quickly and easily.  The bed took a little more effort than planned but once I worked out what all the pieces were, it looked great.  There was one problem however.  The bed did not fit in the new tent.  It was a fun and amusing site for the other campers as they watched me for several minutes twisting and turning to see if there was any way I was going to fit this bed inside the tent.  Eventually, I had to concede defeat and give up but thankfully, I had also brought with me a self-inflating mattress which was originally going to lie on top of the stretcher for extra comfort.  The mattress now had prime spot on the ground and although my bed was not quite as comfortable as I had planned, it worked well.

The next day, I was feeling much more relaxed with myself so I made lesser plans for the day’s travel.  I decided to plan the day one town at a time.  My first port was Renmark which was west falling within South Australia.  ‘Wow’ were my thoughts as I came up to the state border.  I had crossed several borders across Australia before but never like this.  Most borders just had a simple sign advising you of your location.  But this time, I arrived to find a crossing that reminded me of the crossing between Mexico and the USA.  Clearly much smaller and mine the only car.  I was very surprised to see the level of security put in place and even more surprised when I discovered it was all just to restrict the transfer of fruit across states.  I guess they take it serious over here.  This is no doubt the first and only time I had to stop my car for a full search across any border which was a very strange experience for me indeed.  I arrived at the town of Renmark for breakfast and decided to follow the South Australian border south in search of more border crossings.  Some hours later, I arrived at Bordertown and decided to give up the search, so I changed my direction to head east towards Victoria.  The road to Melbourne headed south-east but as was now a trend for my trip, I decided to head off the main track and go east to see new country.  Eventually, I arrived in a town just south of Echuca and decided I was now ready for it.  After a nice meal in Echuca, I decided to camp out in Moama which is just over the Murray River within the NSW state.  I enjoyed the feeling of knowing that I travelled to three Australian states by road within a day.  It felt like quite an accomplishment for me and I was quite proud of my efforts.  I arrived in a camping park within Moama and secured a lovely site on the banks of the great Murray River.  It was a lovely picturesque site but could not say a very peaceful one.  I was almost deafened by the noise of the hundreds of Cocky birds in the many trees surrounding me but I thought it would be just a matter of time before I got used to it.  Thankfully though, they eventually decided sleep was important to them too.

 After a good night’s sleep I packed up my tent early and headed south east for the hills.  This was my last day and my only goal was to be home in time to pick up the kids from school.  I decided my first destination would be Jamieson because I heard from friends that this would be a good location to take the kids for a weekend camp trip.  Even after spending some time driving around this town, I could not actually find the mentioned camp sites so I headed west towards Lake Eildon instead.  This was a long windy road going through lush mountains and I was lucky to find several comfortable camping spots along the way.  Definitely a place worth returning to with the kids and a closer alternative to home.  Eventually, I arrived at the top of this mountain where I received a great view of Lake Eildon.  I located the highest point I could find safely and sat to enjoy the panoramic views.  This is the point where I realised my trip was coming to an end.  But thankfully, this was quite a spectacular way to finish to my trip.  Looking out over the lake, I realised how lucky I was to have such a great opportunity as this.  I was living in a country with 20 plus million people and yet, here I was, totally alone, looking for miles around me and still having no other soul in sight.  The world really is bigger than we think.  My thoughts at this moment were that this is my time.  A time for me to focus on myself.  A time for me to discover who I am, to create a better version of myself in order that I could share a better person with the world.

 A couple of hours later, I arrived home to a great cuddle from the best thing that has even happened to me.  And not long after, I received the greatest cuddles from two of the best things I have ever had the privilege of helping create.  I safely arrived home with a great message…..

 ‘There is more than one path to any place you need to travel too.  Be prepared to let go of the path you imagined you would travel and have faith in the path which is given to you.’

Off the beaten track.....

Follow this sign.....

Home in Moama.....

End of the road.....for now.

We are all different because that is what makes this a better world. We are all different because we want to be able to look to each other and see what our options are. We are all different because that is what works for us. If you do like what you see, adopt it. If you don’t like what you see, move away from it. But please do not criticise, judge or condemn another person because they chose to be different. It is our purpose to help each other become the best versions of ourselves. There is some good in everybody. Big or small, sometimes you just have to search for it. And when you find it, it is up to you to make it bigger.  Or at least show them the way.

Reaching the light at the end of the tunnel is just the beginning.  View this moment as your psychological birth.  A starting point from which life discovery and exploration begins.  From here, you can choose to become whomever you want to become.  You have the opportunity to create something new and better.  Take time to create the person and life you have always wanted.  Learn from the past, enjoy the present and hold hope for the future.  Your life is now your own.

Him: “I know it is old, but this is a good and solid caravan and it will serve you well.  I want you to transport it across the water to the other side of the bay”.

Me: “It can’t be done”. 

Him: “It can”. 

Me: “But how can I get it across the water if there is no motor”. 

Him: “You will do it”.

Me: “But it will sink”.

Him: “Not completely”.

The Message: 
“Time to change the way I live.  Stop making excuses.  Have faith.”

“Life is a Journey, not a destination.” – Unknown source

I first heard this quote about a year or so ago and although I understood what it literally meant, I was never quite sure how to implement it in my life.  Truth is, I was simply unsure of how to create happiness or joy for myself.  And it has always seemed easier to rely on others to provide those things for me and therefore easier to blame others when I couldn’t get them.  What I have now discovered however is a technique for creating happiness or joy for myself.  Rather than focusing on the things that make us unhappy, we should learn to focus on the things that bring us joy.  Consider how often we complain in our lives.  Most of us tend to complain more about the things that make us unhappy rather than appreciate or live for the things that bring us happiness.  This is not a healthy balance for us and it really is our choice where we choose to focus our thoughts.  Here is a simple exercise which may help change the balance for you. 

First, try going 24 hours without complaining.  Like most people, you may realise how challenging this can actually be.  And also like most people, you will probably notice that your biggest complaints relate to the very people that are closest to you.  Next, make a list of all things you are grateful for.  Include people, possessions, opportunities, anything.  Now review this list at least 4 times over the next 24 hours.  For example, try doing this at breakfast, lunch, dinner and before bed.  The following day, consider your mood change.  Did you notice a difference after spending the day considering the positives in your life rather than the negatives?  Are you smiling more or at least feeling happier?  If so, then the technique is working and the balance between the positives and negatives in your life is starting to shift.  To maintain this balance, create a list for each of the people closest to you of all the things you are grateful to them for and mail it to that person.  Next, create and maintain an up to date  list for yourself of all the things you are personally grateful for and review it frequently.  Eliminate all complaining in your life as best as you can.  This is a great start towards focusing on the positives in your life and creating the joy in your life which we all need.

Note: This exercise is available in more detail from the book – ‘The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Matthew Kelly’.

Reaching the light at the end of the tunnel is just the beginning.  Look at this as your psychological birth.  A point from which life discovery and exploration begins.  From here, you can be whomever you want to be.  You have the opportunity to create something new.  Learn from the past, enjoy the present and hold hope for the future.  Your life is now your own.

Several years ago, I found myself in a tunnel with a light at the end of it. I thought this was what I was looking for and gave up my fight. The next few years were my darkest and it took some time to even realise I was stuck in a tunnel. Thankfully now, with lots of help, hard work and support, I have found my way out the other end. The universe looks so much brighter from here. My journey now is about discovering who I am and how I fit in to this world. Life is still a struggle but with light, it is easier to find my way. I learnt so much from been stuck in that tunnel.  I have a better understanding now as to why I needed to be there and a greater appreciation for where I am today.

Everything happens for a reason. When you discover your reason, you will realise why you are where you are and how to get to where you need to be.

Most importantly, enjoy the journey. xxoo